Aude Calloch

I believe one way to become as unbiased as possible is to challenge our own thoughts. I for instance used to think that there was no possible female equivalent of toxic masculinity. In the end, time passed and I realized I was wrong. Why would only one gender have a potential for toxicity? While I at first couldn’t quite warp myself around the idea that women could also have their own form of toxicity, it slowly became clearer to me that not only was I biased, but also that I had been programmed to think that way. I thought like most of the girls of my generation and I was wrong. In fact, I could not have been further from the truth.

First, what is toxic masculinity?

Toxic masculinity refers to the state where traits associated with manhood or manliness are accentuated to the point where they actually become harmful to others as well as to men themselves. Some examples include aggressiveness, hyperdominance (over other males as well as over females), suppressing certain emotions, and other traits which can result in the harm of male individuals themselves or their surroundings. The terminology “toxic masculinity” takes its roots in the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 1980s and 1990s, and later found success both in the academic world as well as among the general public. With the rise of fourth-wave feminism, toxic masculinity was brought back to the table and included in topics such as sexual harassment in the workplace, in debates around traditional gender-roles, as well as in discussions around homophobia. While a lot of the points approached make sense, it goes without saying that women should not point the finger at men in an accusative manner, without first introspectively analyzing themselves and their own flaws, responsibilities and wrongdoings. The same way men have a lot to work on, women do too. And while it can be difficult to admit, it remains one of the first steps to take towards a better understanding between genders, and between us all as human beings.

Are there any personality traits proper to each gender?

In the past couple of years, debates around the notion of gender as a whole have not stopped increasing in importance, from the notion of gender as spectrum as opposed to the traditional binary system, to gender norms and roles in different societies. While debates are great and are a way for everyone to expand their intellectual horizons by hearing out other people’s ideas, we also seem to have a tendency for missing the point. We, human beings, are earthly creatures — we have eyes so we can see, ears so we can hear, a mouth to eat and communicate, and a myriad of other bodily features which nature made with a specific purpose. And although nature sometimes makes mistakes, it tends to make things the way they are for a reason. When it comes to our psychological traits, nature seems to also have made males and females with slight differences. Multiple research studies have indeed shared their results in this regard, showing that although men and women are equally capable of great intellectual achievements, they nevertheless differ in how they express themselves as individuals on a daily basis. In fact, in personality psychology, women tend to display higher levels than men in traits like neuroticism, agreeableness, and warmth. Men on the other hand usually score higher than women in traits including assertiveness and openness to ideas (Costa et al., 2001).

However, this does not mean that certain males cannot display higher levels of neuroticism or warmth or agreeableness than some females, since both genders can experience the full spectrum of those traits to their full extent, only each gender has a tendency to gravitate around specific levels in each specific traits.

Some mild differences can also be witnessed across different cultures throughout the world, but they do not differ at high-enough levels to challenge the commonly observed average psychological gender differences. Indeed, a 2001 study by Paul Costa, Antonio Terracciano and Robert McCrae (“Gender differences in personality traits across cultures: robust and surprising findings”) which gathers data from 26 different cultures and spans different age-groups, still reached that same conclusion.

In order to organize all the different personality types, a system of classification of personality traits was developed from the 1980s onwards in psychological trait theory, called the Big Five. The Big Five groups up personality traits in the following five categories:

• extraversion (outgoing vs. solitary)
• agreeableness (friendly vs. critical)
• openness to experience (curious vs. cautious)
• conscientiousness (organized vs. careless)
• neuroticism (nervous vs. confident)

Those five groups are later divided in more specific personality traits, like openness to feelings and openness to emotions, both pertaining the broader category of openness to experience. In their research article titled “Gender differences in personality across the ten aspects of the Big Five”, Yanna J. Weisberg, Colin G. DeYoung and Jacob B. Hirsh explain: “Traits are hierarchically organized such that more specific traits that vary together are grouped within higher-order factors, like the Big Five. In the study of gender differences, therefore, one can investigate gender differences in personality traits at multiple levels of resolution”. Those levels include the broad and general Big Five traits, as well as more specific traits called facets, which are grouped up together within the Big Five.

Through such studies, we can thus grasp to what extent men and women differ on a psychological level. Although we both share the same emotive capabilities, our respective phenotypical differences make us more prone to gravitate around specific ranges of emotions, as well as to express ourselves in ways common to our gender. By laying down those observations, we can thus understand that the same way a certain range of behaviors are associated to masculinity, some other behaviors can equally be linked to femininity.

With that in mind, the same way in which an over-accentuation of behaviors said manly can result in harm, an over-accentuation of behaviors said feminine can also result in harm. As a matter of fact, anything in excess can result in harm. Excessive sugar intake is often linked to type-2 diabetes. An excessive use of social media can result in a plethora of mental health disorders. Too much power can corrupt an individual. We as humans have our own thresholds to what our body and our mind can tolerate. Ergo, when certain things are brought to a point of excess, it often results in regrettable outcomes. So what happens when traits said feminine are brought to excess?

What shapes does toxic femininity take?

While toxic masculinity is often synonym with outright threat, toxic femininity on the other hand is more covert and subtle. Indeed, toxic femininity and its subtle nature can be linked to a history of male dominance, where women didn’t have direct power over men. In this context, it was more effective to resort to subtle forms of warfare rather than overt violence, as men usually tend to have the upper hand when it comes to physicality — typical phenomenon of evolutionary psychology. Likewise, being in a position devoid of political power, in which fighting men wasn’t possible, also caused women to see each other as competition for positions of favor.

This has not changed over time, and the modern-day consequences of this phenomenon can be observed directly in the workplace. Research from the Workplace Bullying Institute shares that out of the 33% of female bullies in the workplace (U.S. figures from 2021), 65% of their victims are of the same gender – a phenomenon also referred to as the “Queen Bee” syndrome. A 2021 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey in fact suggest that over 60% of workplace bullying happens between individuals of the same gender, challenging the common stereotype of male-to-female bullying scenario.

Toxic femininity can go to the extent of undermining gender-equality, by sabotaging women’s success as much as men’s, all via the use of traditionally feminine behaviors. This can take many forms, from tear-down gossip, to disapproval and social exclusion. Toxic femininity can also mean using gender stereotypes to one’s own advantage, like for example, acting weak to be exempt from certain tasks. Although toxic femininity is not as obvious and easily-noticeable as toxic masculinity (traditionally more direct and ergo causing more visible and short-term consequences) it can cause serious damage on the long-term.

Let’s take the example of the #MeToo movement for instance. Despite originally being a positive concept focused on justice and solidarity, it also has brought a lot of females to see themselves as victims and to see men as guilty until proven innocent, as opposed to following the legal principle of presumption of innocence. This can result in men being wrongfully convicted of a crime they did not commit, one of the most famous and heart-breaking examples being 14-year old Emmet Till (1941-1955), lynched after having been accused of allegedly whistling at Carolyn Bryant, a white married woman. Sixty years later, Bryant confessed that her interaction with Till was in fact completely made up. But it was too late, and Emmet was long dead.

What can we conclude from this?

I believe it is paramount we take more accountability for our own actions and those of the group(s) we belong to, be it gender-, race-, sexuality-, religion-, or politics-related. By acknowledging the current issues, we make a step towards resolving the ongoing problems we face in terms of communication and understanding between us all. Communicating and understanding each other properly has never been an easy task. Same-gender conversations can already be exhausting. Opposite-gender interactions can be even more confusing, stressful and deciphering gender-specific nonverbal cues can be especially difficult. It is therefore in our advantage to take the time to open up to each more and share our own perception of life, our struggles, what we’d like to get help on, what we can bring to each other, and what we expect from one another.

Bill Cosby once said that: “Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy”. While I can fathom Cosby’s outlook, also being aware that he out of all people can speak on the disastrous consequences of misunderstanding between men and women, I do think we both belong to the same realm. Communication between men and women is a rocky road on which walking together can be challenging, but we cannot afford to take the easy exit. Our species and our world depend on our collaboration and willingness to work together. Otherwise, I’m afraid we’ll have a high price to pay.